Molly: …so that’s why Ariadne* was so upset.
Defense Attorney: But it was never your intention to hurt her feelings?
Molly: No! I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!
Defense Attorney: Can you explain to the court again, step by step, the events that led up to Ariadne’s time-out?
Molly: Okay, so…I told Ariadne I would do the hundred board with her. But then Artemis…wait. I’ll draw it for you.
Defense Attorney: I beg your pardon?
Molly: It’ll be easier if I draw a picture of it. Just give me a tickety-boo.
Defense Attorney: Uh…Your Honour, if it please the court, may I request a brief recess?
Judge: Court is adjourned. We will reconvene in one tickety-boo.
Molly: Okay. Here it is.
Defense Attorney: Entered into evidence one pencil drawing. Now Molly, if you could please return to the events of March 30, 2015…
Molly: Okay, so…I draw your attention to Exhibit A.
Ian, from gallery: Nice one! [groans from spectators] [Ian and Karyn high-five]
Molly: Wait, what?
Judge: Order! Order in the court!
Molly: Okay, so…see Ariadne’s face? You know why she looks like that? Because she’s mad. And that’s me and Artemis, and we’re smiling. And that’s Poseidon, and he’s doing a job. And that’s Miss Demeter. And that’s the shelf behind us, but I didn’t draw all the stuff on it because I couldn’t remember it all. And that’s the hundred board on the mat. And I drawed all of the mats with stripes, even though they don’t all really have stripes, but that’s how I drawed them anyway. And that’s…
Prosecution: OBJECTION! Relevance??
Judge: Sustained! Please direct your client to stick to the facts at hand!
Defense Attorney: Yes, Your Honour. Molly, your drawing is very detailed, but could you please describe the events that led directly to Ariadne’s timeout.
Molly: Okay, okay! I am! Okay, so, I told Ariadne that I would do the hundred board with her. But then Artemis [whispers] This is Artemis. You see why I drawed her hair like that? Because she has a short haircut. And Poseidon has a boy haircut. I’m getting good at drawing boy haircuts. See how good it is?
Prosecutor: Your Honour!
Defense: I’m sorry…Molly!
Molly: All right, all right already! Geez! Okay, so Artemis asked if I would do a two-person job with her. And I said ‘yes,’ because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But then Ariadne thought I meant a real ‘yes,’ so then she was sad.
Defense: But you didn’t mean a real yes?
Molly: No! I meant a ‘yes’ to not hurt her feelings, but really I was going to do the hundred board with Ariadne.
Defense: Were you worried about hurting Artemis’ feelings when she found out your ‘yes’ was really a ‘no’?
Defense: Were you worried that Artemis would be sad when you didn’t do the job with her?
Defense: Were you concerned that Artemis would be sad when you in fact did the hundred board with Ariadne?
Molly: No, because I said ‘yes’ to her so she wouldn’t be sad. Duh. (Sometimes people say ‘Duh.’ I’ve heard them. On shows. So that’s why I said it.)
Defense: Uh…so what happened next?
Molly: Ariadne didn’t know that it was really a ‘yes’ to not hurt Artemis’ feelings, and not a real ‘yes,’ so then she had a freak-out and she cried, and then she said, ‘1…2…3…break’ and then Miss Demeter came over and said she had to have a time-out.
Defense: She said what?
Molly: Ariadne had to have a time-out.
Defense: No, I mean what did Ariadne say?
Molly: Oh – ‘1…2…3…break.’
Defense: Uh…and what did you understand her to mean by that?
Molly: It means ‘1…2…3…’ and then her heart broke. You know, like when something breaks your heart?
Defense: …but you did not, in fact, mean to break her heart?
Defense: In fact, your main intent in this interaction was to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings – Artemis’ or Ariadne’s?
Defense: Because you don’t like to hurt people’s feelings?
Prosecution: OBJECTION! Leading the witness!!
Defense: …and the unfortunate circumstance of Ariadne’s heart being broken was entirely due to HER OWN misinterpretation of your response to Artemis?
Prosecution: YOUR HONOUR!
Molly: UH HUH!
Defense: The defense rests.
*names have been changed. Except for Molly’s.