In the matter of the People Vs. Molly Pickles

Molly: …so that’s why Ariadne* was so upset.

Defense Attorney: But it was never your intention to hurt her feelings?

Molly: No! I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!

Defense Attorney: Can you explain to the court again, step by step, the events that led up to Ariadne’s time-out?

Molly: Okay, so…I told Ariadne I would do the hundred board with her. But then Artemis…wait. I’ll draw it for you.

Defense Attorney: I beg your pardon?

Molly: It’ll be easier if I draw a picture of it. Just give me a tickety-boo.

Defense Attorney: Uh…Your Honour, if it please the court, may I request a brief recess?

Judge: Court is adjourned. We will reconvene in one tickety-boo.

***

Molly: Okay. Here it is.

Defense Attorney: Entered into evidence one pencil drawing. Now Molly, if you could please return to the events of March 30, 2015…

Molly: Okay, so…I draw your attention to Exhibit A.

Ian, from gallery: Nice one! [groans from spectators] [Ian and Karyn high-five]

Molly: Wait, what?

Judge: Order! Order in the court!

People vs. Molly - Courtroom testimony at its best! www.picklesINK.com

Exhibit A: Pencil Drawing Preschool. March 30, 2015. 1:00 P.M.

 

Molly: Okay, so…see Ariadne’s face? You know why she looks like that? Because she’s mad. And that’s me and Artemis, and we’re smiling. And that’s Poseidon, and he’s doing a job. And that’s Miss Demeter. And that’s the shelf behind us, but I didn’t draw all the stuff on it because I couldn’t remember it all. And that’s the hundred board on the mat. And I drawed all of the mats with stripes, even though they don’t all really have stripes, but that’s how I drawed them anyway. And that’s…

Prosecution: OBJECTION! Relevance??

Judge: Sustained! Please direct your client to stick to the facts at hand!

Defense Attorney: Yes, Your Honour. Molly, your drawing is very detailed, but could you please describe the events that led directly to Ariadne’s timeout.

Molly: Okay, okay! I am! Okay, so, I told Ariadne that I would do the hundred board with her. But then Artemis [whispers] This is Artemis. You see why I drawed her hair like that? Because she has a short haircut. And Poseidon has a boy haircut. I’m getting good at drawing boy haircuts. See how good it is?

Prosecutor: Your Honour!

Defense: I’m sorry…Molly!

Molly: All right, all right already! Geez! Okay, so Artemis asked if I would do a two-person job with her. And I said ‘yes,’ because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But then Ariadne thought I meant a real ‘yes,’ so then she was sad.

Defense: But you didn’t mean a real yes?

Molly: No! I meant a ‘yes’ to not hurt her feelings, but really I was going to do the hundred board with Ariadne.

Defense: Were you worried about hurting Artemis’ feelings when she found out your ‘yes’ was really a ‘no’?

Molly: O_o

Defense: Were you worried that Artemis would be sad when you didn’t do the job with her?

Molly: O_o

Defense: Were you concerned that Artemis would be sad when you in fact did the hundred board with Ariadne?

Molly: No, because I said ‘yes’ to her so she wouldn’t be sad. Duh. (Sometimes people say ‘Duh.’ I’ve heard them. On shows. So that’s why I said it.)

Defense: Uh…so what happened next?

Molly: Ariadne didn’t know that it was really a ‘yes’ to not hurt Artemis’ feelings, and not a real ‘yes,’ so then she had a freak-out and she cried, and then she said, ‘1…2…3…break’ and then Miss Demeter came over and said she had to have a time-out.

Defense: She said what?

Molly: Ariadne had to have a time-out.

Defense: No, I mean what did Ariadne say?

Molly: Oh – ‘1…2…3…break.’

Defense: Uh…and what did you understand her to mean by that?

Molly: It means ‘1…2…3…’ and then her heart broke. You know, like when something breaks your heart?

Defense: O_o

Molly: Duh.

Defense: …but you did not, in fact, mean to break her heart?

Molly: No!

Defense: In fact, your main intent in this interaction was to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings – Artemis’ or Ariadne’s?

Molly: Yup!

Defense: Because you don’t like to hurt people’s feelings?

Prosecution: OBJECTION! Leading the witness!!

Defense: …and the unfortunate circumstance of Ariadne’s heart being broken was entirely due to HER OWN  misinterpretation of your response to Artemis?

Prosecution: YOUR HONOUR!

Molly: UH HUH!

Defense: The defense rests.

*names have been changed. Except for Molly’s.

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