Yep, this post is going to be about poop.

Molly has been almost completely toilet-trained for about a year, with one notable exception:

Her utter refusal to poop on the toilet.

Now, I’ve done all the right things. I know (theoretically) not to get emotional about it, not to make it into a power struggle, not to let her see that it bothers me…

Molly with iPad on toilet

Molly on the toilet with the iPad. Yes, I went there.
©PicklesINK 2013

I’ve calmly cleaned her up and washed pair of underpants after pair of underpants. I’ve read stories to her while she “has a try.” I spent an hour on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet the day she (unsuccessfully) changed her own diaper. We’ve discussed the pros and cons of wiping a bum after pooping on the toilet versus changing a diaper.

Ben has even demonstrated for her, repeatedly, the art and science of pooping – “See, Molly? You just push your tummy like this *ERGGHHH* and the poop comes RIGHT OUT – see?!”

I even anthromorophised “Poop” in a long dialogue begging her to please, “Push me out because it’s dark in here and I’m afraid of the dark and I really want to go swimming!” (FYI – Poop has a high, squeaky voice. Don’t judge me. You ain’t seen what I seen.)

I finally concluded that she just wasn’t physically ready, but as of last night I know that this is not true. The problem isn’t that she isn’t capable of controlling her bowels.

The problem is that she’s a JERK.

Last night as we were snuggling together at bedtime, Molly pulled her usual stalling tactic of, “Oh! Mommy! I have to pee and poop!” “Fine,” I sighed, and took her to the bathroom.

As usual, she sat on the toilet, smiled at me, and said, “Nope! No pee or poop!” and I said, “Good! You’d better not poop. In fact, don’t you dare poop. Don’t you push out a poop…because if you do…”

Molly looked me dead in the eyes, grinned an evil grin, said, “I WILL!” and did.

~ karyn

???????????????????????????????

Don’t be fooled by the cuteness. This shirt isn’t some cutesy ironic saying. It’s a warning. (Shirt reads “TROUBLE”)
©PicklesINK 2013

Update (May 21, 2013): My thoughts are with the moms and dads in Oklahoma who would give anything to change another poopy diaper. Like many of you, I’m going to be hugging my kids a bit tighter today, jerks or not.

29 thoughts on “Yep, this post is going to be about poop.

  1. Very nice reverse psychology!!! Lovely. How did you react: not reacting at all, reacting positively, or pretending to be annoyed that she did the very thing you were asking her NOT to do? :-p

  2. Ours have both had long phases of fixation on certain toys, which they must be holding in order to poop. I have generally confiscated any toy being played with when an accident occurs, and returned them after a certain number of stickers on the sticker chart – helps with the “I’ll poop in the potty tomorrow” attitude.

    • The trouble with Molly is she just doesn’t care…I’ve tried “Okay, no stories unless you try to poop.” “Okay, I want no stories.” I’ve tried “I’ll give you a piece of chocolate if you poop.” “Yay! I love chocolate!” “Okay, try to poop.” “No, I don’t want to.” “Do you want the chocolate?” “Nope.” Molly possesses, in spades, what our paediatrician described as “excellent leadership qualities.”

      • I wouldn’t expect outright bribery to work, it doesn’t on ours… but if the kid poops his pants while he’s upstairs playing trains, he gets to watch me put the whole train set in a box and carry it away, and that has some impact.

        Or “all matchbox cars in the house gathered up in a box and put away” has been done.

    • heheh – they’re both awesome and challenging…in entirely different ways!! We’ll have to get together soon so Molly can terrorize Cessna person-to-puppy!

    • I know…if she turns out anything like me…oh god, now there’s a terrifying thought. Excuse me while I go sit in the corner and rock back and forth…

  3. Potty training, how I fear thee. I’ve just barely scratched the surface of it with my oldest (we’re at the “just trying it out” stage), who is 2.5 and not particularly ready. I haven’t been pushing it, because I’m a) terrified, b) pretty well convinced she’d fight it at this point, anyway c) really busy with her two younger siblings, and d) stuck with said babies in a carpeted room all day. However, I can totally see her doing this to me some impossible day in the future, when I’m forced to make a bona fide attempt. Especially if she’s anything like I was. Oh, the stories my mom could tell…

    • Heheh…I think our parents consider it payback. Apparently my dad said to my mom a while ago (about Molly) “So, do you think Karyn’s met her match?”

      You’re on the right track though – I would say for *most* kids there is just no point in starting full-blown potty training before they are clearly ready. Definitely expose them to it, let them try it out if they’re interested, get them comfortable, but you’ll know when they’re ready to give it their full attention, and before that, if you invest in it emotionally, you’ll just frustrate yourself and them!

  4. Molly is SO CUTE!!! I feel your pain, Mama. I can’t even talk to people about my 3 yr old’s “Bleachable Moments” b/c I feel like a soldier writing letters home, the war is too fresh in my mind. You wouldn’t want to hear these gruesome stories! I shudder to think what it will be like when my baby is ready, because my year old is my sweetest child, but the baby? IS A JERK!
    Love her, but she’s a jerk.

    • Lol – At least we admit it! You know those moms who are all “I COMPLETELY loved and enjoyed EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of parenting EVEN WHEN my kids were misbehaving except I DON’T call it ‘misbehaving’ I like to think of it as ‘exercising their behavioural choices’ because I believe CHILDREN are a GIFT sprinkled with SUNSHINE and PUPPIES and GOLD DUST and IF YOU DON’T you’re a crappy mom who just doesn’t KNOW how to LOVE!!” are kidding themselves.

  5. Glad to know I’m not the only one falling for the “go potty” trickery. I’ve come to realize mine isn’t really ready, but sometimes, I swear she’s just messing with me.
    Hooking up from Honest Voices

  6. My kids took forever to potty train. I honestly thought they’d be the only kids in college sporting Pulls Ups.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.